This has been a blog that I wanted to write for a while. But I wanted to be honest as we exit quarantine and begin ministry in Romania. Most of our group (including myself) are now free to go out, and we have been doing ministry in Craiova. Many neat stories have happened while on the field, and I hope to post a major update next week that highlights what has been taking place in the city and throughout Romania.

And here is what I wanted to share. When editing and making new blogs, the website lists my blogs with the number of views that each post has. By far, the post with the most views is the one titled "Damage Control or Door-Opener?", which is available here: https://bretthaas.theworldrace.org/post/damage-control-or-dooropener. This post was written near the end of March 2020, when most of the world was going into lockdown due to the coronavirus. This one and the past few posts during the onset of Covid were about enduring and seeking the Lord in the midst of the pandemic. The post mentioned above shared stories about the church responding to Covid, making use of the situation for the Kingdom, and challenging readers to adopt a mindset to walk through the open doors of ministry that are before us. I emphasized this to encourage the church to look towards what God is doing instead of being discouraged by the lost opportunities and circumstances due to Covid.

To be honest, it's hard to look back on this post. It's not easy by any stretch. While I encouraged people to press forward in the Kingdom, I had a lot of hurt within. The post ended with "What will you do"? During April 2020 (and other points in 2020), I often withdrew and isolated. I did not trust God in many points over 2020 and was often upset at Him for the fact that I could not do the Expedition World Race Covid-free that year. Deeper reasons were also at play. There were many times that I did not love my friends/ family back home the way the Lord wanted me to. It became very clear that opportunities to do online ministry and be fully present with the people in front of me were missed as I dwelled towards what was lost and not what doors God wanted to open. Even after I wrote that post, the Lord showed my that my faith was largely dependent on circumstances and not in complete trust in Him. That hurt.

A huge realization that happened in the pandemic season was that giving my life to Christ involves surrendering my future to Jesus. My complete future and what I want to happen is given to Him for Him to utilize for the Kingdom. This means being content with being on the path that He has me on- even if I wish that it was different. This is confirmed from testimonies from underground church pastors in Asia that talk about leading people to Christ while serving multi-year prison sentences and living together under one roof under quarantine to prepare for ministry while seeking God together. 

Philippians 4: 4-13 comes to mind when I look at this adaptive mindset. Instead of wishing that the circumstances were different, Paul has contentment and in multiple times throughout the New Testament, He writes letters and carries out ministry while in prison. His movement is restricted yet the Gospel still advances.

Yet the Lord is very graceful, and I could not be more thankful for that. 2020 brought me to many weak points (especially during April 2020 and the hard lockdowns). Wounds from previous relationships and rejection that I hoped to keep buried were ripped open and confronted in this time. Yet He has been so good- and helped teach me every step of the way. Some of the biggest growth moments in the pandemic season were:

1. Letting go of the Lenoir-Rhyne community and being willing to embrace people in Boone, NC- even though some (though not all) friendships at Lenoir-Rhyne were let go because of the abrupt end to my college career. There are some people at LR / Hickory that I keep in touch with, but Boone has been my main community. God also taught me a lot about finding a strong sending community for missions.

1. No longer feeling like I had to impress people or prove that I matter in order to validate myself. My validation is in Christ. Not worrying about fitting in or being accepted by peers (even though I seek to be a witness to them for the Gospel) has allowed me to walk in freedom and embrace God's calling before me. This process happened over a period of 7 years, culminating in 2021.

1. Placing the future in complete open hands to the Lord- which re-framed the World Race from a gap year trip to travel to exotic places in Asia while doing missions to a missions trip of reaching out to the people in front of us and being thankful to set foot in any place that opens its doors to travellers like me. This also has helped me to love and be present with the people that are before me and who God places in my life.

1. Rediscovering what true, selfless, sacrificial love is. This process happened through late 2020 and much of 2021- but it has been a beautiful thing to see. It has allowed me to love my family better and to be a Godly spouse if marriage arrives in the future. It's still a work in progress, but I look back fondly on the growth and will keep pressing into Scripture (i.e. 1 Corinthians 13). 

1. Gaining a healthy perspective on politics. Yet stripped back, healthy political views are gained if we look at what our citizenship is- the Heavenly kingdom. If we keep that as our focus, we do not need to worry about what happens in the US or any political/ civil turmoil that could happen in the future. And if any situation happens (i.e. a breakdown in civil society or persecution) that results in martyrdom, we know that we get to meet Jesus and live forever with Him whenever we depart this Earth. That's awesome!

1. Surface-level Christianity and clickiness in peers caused a significant amount of hurt over the past years. That has made me very tempted to judge people who are not as mature in the faith or not in the faith with a "Holier than thou" mentality to hide my insecurities. However, I am a sinner who needs a Savior- just like them. And I am thankful to embrace the lens of loving and desiring true repentance/ relationship with the Lord in those who exhibit these traits- instead of judging them.

1. FOMO (fear of missing out) is very real, and it has creeped up a lot over the years. Having a healthy perspective on this and being willing to sit out certain activities to rest is reaping a lot of fruit. Coming to terms with FOMO-related events in 2021 was a difficult but necessary process that prepared me greatly for life on the World Race. 

1. Being vulnerable to both friends (especially with my house church) and with parents about challenging things that I am reckoning with. This caused me to shift towards telling people about under-the-surface things instead of trying to hide hard stuff. This has allowed a lot of spiritual breakthrough to happen over the past year and a half.

1. Breaking off a religious mindset to where I have to be the "Good Christian" and instead authentically express who I am- even the hard, messy stuff. This includes that I have a condition known as Autism (which makes certain social situations a challenge) and that its ok to ask for help or keep people informed about it. The truth is that I am not a "squeaky clean Christian". I am not perfect and 2020 was a major confirmation about this. Christianity is about a relationship with Jesus- not about religious works.

1. Discovering that ministry flows out from intimacy and a genuine heart for the Lord. It's a trap to try to "do ministry" (or any other task / being busy) at the expense of abiding with the Lord. Spending time with God is most important, and if that is being sidelined, it is time to see if any decluttering needs to happen. This is something that came to light in 2021, and I am continuing to see what walking this out is like.

I am not a perfect Christian. There is no such thing (except Jesus of course). And I do not want to put on a persona on these blogs that does not reflect me. I can easily look back on my blogs ("Responding to a World in Crisis", "In the Middle of It All", "Damage Control or Door- Opener?": Feb / March 2020) and think of myself as a hypocrite as I look at how I coped with the pandemic when it became personal. And indeed I fell short of the standard that I had set on the posts and sought to live out as a follower of Christ.  Those blogs had a lot of valid points, and it took me a year and a half to grow to that Kingdom mindset instead of a couple days. In fact, He is still maturing me. Yet Jesus forgives and cleanses me- and I look back on that period (April 2020) as a hard but important time that ultimately set the stage for things that came to pass.

In August 2021, a group of eager World Racers made it to Craiova only to face a 2 week quarantine the next day. It challenged many of us- and I again faced another reckoning point of that God brought to the surface. Yet I approached this quarantine from a very different perspective- with a spirit of gratitude instead of a spirit of resentment. "Quarantine will be over when our ministry here is complete" I thought as the Lord graciously guided me. I has been terrific to be present with people on the Squad, lift up those who went through significant struggles, and help keep the squad centered on unity as we looked towards the fields ripe for harvest (in this case Craiova).

I am out of Quarantine and most of us are able to walk the streets of Craiova. Yet I look back on the fond memories of Uno, telling stories, and being together as a team. The moments spent as "Quaranteam" and in the "Sicko Mode Recovery Room" (the room for symptomatic Covid-19 people that did not get tested yet) will not be forgotten. It was not perfect. There were moments that were not easy. Yet it was a very fruitful time, and I believe that this time has prepared us even more thoroughly for life on the field.

Lord, thank you for your guidance and patience through the pandemic season. Thank you for taking me (and many others) to their weak points and being a healer. Thank you for your love and sacrifice on the Cross- and that you are alive today to comfort and sustain us. Death has been conquered. Thank you for maturing us through the wilderness- and I am learning the importance of that. Thank you for this path, even though it is not easy. Because it is your path- and I am eternally grateful to be able to walk with you no matter what happens on this earth. In Jesus' name- Amen.

A good bit of reflection as the page turns and we get established on the World Race. Excited to see what happens yet trusting in His plans. Hurrah!

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Phillippians 4: 4-13