When the World Race Gets Messy

I’m not going to lie. As I look back to our month of ATL team led ministry in Kosovo (and am writing this blog while flying to the next country of Ukraine)- I can say that this was my hardest month of the Race so far. This is especially notable considering the challenges that I faced last month in Albania (https://bretthaas.theworldrace.org/post/at-the-foot-of-the-cross1). It has been rough. Yet the Lord has been teaching me that ministry can sometimes be plain messy- and that it’s not a bad thing. Sometimes, it is Him challenging us to press closer into Him as He navigates us through difficult situations.

For our month, we spent the majority of our ministry time at the coffee shop in downtown Pristina. It became very routine- wake up in the morning, go to the coffee shop, hang out there all day, play some games or work, and then begin to go back home again. Some of my team mates fell in love with this vision of ministry and the terrific organization that is helping run the coffee shop (A Jesus Mission). Meanwhile, I had a much different vision of ministry. I felt called to get to know the Balkan outdoor community and desired to explore more of Kosovo besides the city of Pristina. The short conclusion is this: my friends love to build relationships at the coffee shop day in and day out. I love to explore the city / countryside and make connections that way- and then follow up with them at the coffee shop. A perfect example of this was following up with four people three days after getting to meet them while hiking in the Kosovo / Montenegro mountains together (see my previous blog post: (https://bretthaas.theworldrace.org/post/the-balkans-before-us). One view sees the coffee shop as the ministry. I see the coffee shop (and by extension the city) as a launching point- a home base to also venture out from and then come back to in order to follow up and recalibrate. Like spiderwebbing out from a central hub to outlying areas for the Kingdom.

Both views are not wrong. Personally, I was convicted of this during debrief- and I believe the Lord blessed both approaches. He blessed when I went out to the mountains and Peja to get to know the hiking group. Yet I also believe that He blessed our time at the coffee shop with our Kosovar friends/ staff who worked there. He has challenged me to be graceful to my team mates that have different ministry approaches. Navigating this was difficult- and multiple personal challenges came to a head as well. Pristina was the place where everything seemed to come out (see “Convergence” – https://bretthaas.theworldrace.org/post/convergence). At times, I felt feelings of loneliness (which I believe began to surface as a result of the aftermath of broken friendships that happened in the month before Kosovo). Loneliness is no joke, and it is possible to feel this when around a bunch of people. A lot of this also has to do with my past in high school/ college- where I fought to maintain my uniqueness as an outdoorsman / adventurer while also significantly diminishing the prospects of a “normal social life”. This gave me the mindset that I am the “outsider” or the “odd one out”. Uniqueness is good- but this mindset can be toxic. Rejection towards who I was/ created to be became normal for me and left me with a lot of hurt in my past. Furthermore, God also empowered me to walk in the calling of the explorer back in Alaska- with confidence and contentedness despite any rejection- and to not be ashamed of the talents that He has given me. I ultimately had to come to terms at debrief that the team choosing a different approach to ministry and a different “vision” over something that suited me more was not “rejecting” me. In fact, my team being supportive when I did go on the recent hike illustrates this very well. It is also important to recognize that I am never alone- Christ is always with me (no matter what lies the enemy wants to tell me).

I do see God shaping me as an explorer- and someone to wield His talents in a way that builds the Kingdom. This month was the uncomfortable period of shaping a passion of mine into this “kingdom calling”. Unhealthy passion is something that I love to do so much that I can’t stop thinking about it- and that I am hurt if this need is not satisfied. In today’s culture, unbridled, insatiable passion easily becomes an idol- that has to be satisfied no matter what the cost. Meanwhile, a kingdom calling is a type of ministry that I am called to do; but is also adaptable (especially with regards to talents) towards different environments and content with how it is being used to serve the people around me. Separating the “wheat from the chaff” is not an easy task, and I witnessed this firsthand. I am thankful to serve a God of grace- because there are times where I for sure messed up with this. Birthing the call- the vision- can be very, very messy. Thank you to all who helped support me and love me during this time.

Multiple outings to explore Kosovo (like cycling, going to the Kusar Caves in Gjakova, and hiking in Valbone National Park in Albania) fell through for a variety of reasons. All of the above ones would have been amazing ministry opportunities with local Kosovar people. This, and other plans that did not get off the ground, echoed a hard experience three years ago when I wanted to go with my friends to Monteverde, Costa Rica. We were in the country, and no one else wanted to venture out and spend the weekend at the cloud forest. At the end of that trip- I was discouraged and upset- and wished that people would be adventurous enough to seize “once in a lifetime” opportunities like this. These experiences, I felt like, hit too close to home. Things getting cancelled at the last minute (even though many of the reasons were very valid) left me with trust issues (with respect to “flakiness” and reliability)- especially as I tried to navigate, plan things, and enjoy the anticipation. This in turn can cause resentment and mistrust- along with a strong temptation to write people off. Yet it is crucial to still love people- even if what you had planned with them does not work out. This month really illustrated this.

The end of the month showed that we are called to rely on God even in our mess. As a team, we navigated many personal challenges. We also sorted through the nuances of different policies related to Adventures in Missions (such as travel proposals, relationships, the WR contract, etc). We also had to reckon with one of our teammates leaving the field as well. Yet what really showcased the phenomenon of the “mess” was what happened during our last day in Pristina. On this day- I connected the dots and found out that I was not going to be able to say goodbye to most of the AJM people and close friends that we loved over this month. This really stung me- especially as I poured over a seemingly insidious dilemma that unraveled itself in the last days of us being in Kosovo. This is because if I did not go to Peja to follow up with a group of the hiking friends the day before, I could easily have said goodbye then. The question is this- “Would you share the Gospel and build a relationship with three people from a different place who probably do not know any Christians in their lives and have little access to the Gospel OR say goodbye to ministry hosts / friends that I poured into over the past month?” I took a “both ways are possible approach”. But when my Squad needed me for multiple reasons (causing me to miss a planned soccer match with friends)- the tables turned. It was a moment of grief and realizing that ministry is indeed messy- and there is sometimes no smooth answer to address a particular situation. I walked toward the movie theater with my squad- and I felt the Lord giving me peace over this. Even though it has been very, very hard.

During debrief, I went through a team change. Now, I am part of an 8 person “Mega Team” that is going to the same ministry site in Odesa, Ukraine together for the month. For me, it represents a time to move forward- a time of excitement, and a time to push ahead with new team dynamics at play. It will also be nice to work with a host and get to plan adventure outings together. I think the change is good- yet it is important to not forget the lessons from the past. And so, I will leave it at that. Stay tuned for the next blog to see how the Lord is changing my outlook for this next month and beyond!